Tour of Flanders 2017

Attendees: Mike P, Andrew W, Sue E, Jon E, Pete S, Alex B, Sean W, Mike M, Tom W, Rachel G, Anna G, Jeremy, Kieron E

Road bikes and cobbles. About as well-matched as power tools and drunk people. But this was what these riders took on during The Tour of Flanders – the second Monument of the season. 13 fresh-faced riders set off from Chevs Towers that Friday morning with hope in their hearts. 13 returned 2 days later. But they were changed. Changed utterly.

The drive to Belgium was uneventful. Mike M and Alex channelled their inner trucker by passing under the channel in a truck (well, Mike’s van) while the rest set off in cars talking cycling, music and great roads they have driven on in Northern France. In Andrew’s car Mike P and Andrew were in charge of the music. Their passengers soon came to regret this when it emerged that Mike had brought with him a compilation of Irish Ballads (“to make Sean feel at home”), a triple CD set of David Bowie’s Greatest Hits with only 2 CDs in it, and what was misleadingly titled “The Best of Roy Orbison”. Andrew’s sole contribution was a CD he had found in his car earlier that morning – this turned out to be a down-beat English Folk album by a woman who a teenaged Kieron had once been on a school skiing trip with (he had become besotted, she had remained indifferent).

While everyone else stayed in a hotel together in Gent Sean stayed on a boat with a man named Sven. No one knew the reason for this. We had a low-key evening to allow us to face the ride in optimal physical condition: a few drinks in the hotel bar and an Italian meal heavy on carbohydrates and beer. Sean, Tom and Alex laid down a nutritional marker to the rest of the team by having a pizza as a starter – fine athletes and fine men! Then it was back to the hotel to prepare for the morning.

The Flanders route was 137 km through mainly farmland. It is punctuated every few kilometres by either a cobbled section, of usually between 1-2 km, or a steep climb of a few hundred metres. Sometimes the climbs are cobbled and these sections tend to be littered with people lying on the floor with their bikes in odd positions – for every person trying to help them up there is another person shouting at them to get out of their way as quickly as possible. There were good crowds on the climbs and it was fantastic to hear groups of riders speaking in numerous different languages and see local cycling club jerseys from all over Europe.

Peter Sagan did it, Greg Van Avermaet did it, but Peter Staynes did it first: on a particularly nasty downhill cobbled section Pete came off his bike while trying to avoid “an amateur”. He suffered a nasty blow to his head, but having satisfactorily answered the resident GPs questions* Pete was passed medically-fit to continue. Sadly his bike wasn’t examined with the same rigour as he was and he rode on for 30km with his front break on. He was later withdrawn from the race because his blood-spattered face was scaring children lining the route. It was a nasty injury and a really brave ride – well done Pete.

As the ride progressed the team split into 2 groups. In a mistake rarely made by members of the professional peloton the faster group stopped before the official finish to drink beer and eat chips in the Oodenhaarde town square: thus allowing the other group to finish ahead of them. The groups came together to find Pete, bike fixed and beer in hand, waiting for them in the finishing area – a truly welcome sight.

After the ride we went to a traditional Belgian restaurant – The Sint-Jorishof. When the residents of Gent empty their attics they donate the contents to the Sint-Jorishof and I’ve little doubt that you could find at least one example of all the objects man has so far created somewhere in its many rooms. It was a brilliant place to dine.  We ate steak and pork cheek stew and drank local beer (“We have Stella.”, “Do you have anything Belgian?”, “Stella is Belgian.”, “We’ll have 12.”). Although it may not have been talked about I’m sure that all of us around that table felt a kernel of pride about what we had done that day – and the fact that we had had to use chemical toilets with no hand-washing facilities couldn’t temper that pride.

The following day we watched the professional men and women ride the same climbs as we had. Their bikes were more expensive than ours, they did it much quicker and they looked much more relaxed about it than we had. But they hadn’t had to load their own van, none of them had had a pizza for a starter the night before and they were the same cobbles.

Flanders awards:

Best Cultural attaché: Alex – the thinking man’s Club Rep.

Most surprised rider: Sue E (“I can’t believe I just did that!”)

Most cultured exit: Anna and Jeremy – got off their bikes and went to a museum. Classy.

Most grateful rider: Pete – if you were in the Flanders region on 1st April Pete probably thanked you.

Best attempt to avoid the cobbles: Mike M – off the cobbles, onto the grass, half way up a tree trunk.

*“Who is the Prime Minister?” (Pete’s answer: “Isla St Clair”)

“How many fingers am I holding up?” (“12 and a half”)

“In which year did Terry Wogan first host the BBC’s coverage of the Eurovision Song Contest?” (“Shut up.”)